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16 Reasons To NEVER Own a Cat!

Cats are popular pets and many people share their lives with one or more. If you’ve never lived with a cat and have finally made the decision to get one, we implore you to think about it carefully. Consider how your life might change forever once you acquire a furry four-legged housemate.

Here are 16 reasons to NEVER own a cat! OK, I’ll admit you can omit the word ‘NEVER’ from my previous sentence!

1) You will never actually ‘OWN’ a cat

Reasons to never own a cat

I thought it best to get this point cleared up first. Don’t for a second think that you own a cat. You will never own it. I want to make this absolutely clear – it is the cat that owns you. Always.

The lovely home that you have so gracefully allowed your cat to spend its life living in luxury in, is your cat’s home, not yours. It will graciously allow you to reside there with it, as long as you comply with its rules.

You will be chief cook, groomer, litter box cleaner, door opener, lap provider, play provider and so much more at any time of day and night.

All rules and preferences will be subject to change at any time without prior notice.

2) Your privacy will be a thing of the past

Your cat will have the right to watch everything you do at any time, be it in the kitchen, the living area, the office, the bathroom, or the bedroom. Forget about closing doors – this is strictly forbidden.

Your cat’s favorite pastime will be meowing to get into the bathroom with you, no matter what you’re up to in there. You will have to get used to performing your ablutions in front of a feline, who will stare at you unnervingly throughout the process.

Reasons to never own a cat

You will need to ask permission to wash your hands – I find it easier to just use the bath. After watching me struggle to clean my teeth stooped over the tub, the cat usually moves exactly at the time I finish.

3) Play will NOT commence when you decide

When you want to play with your cat and get out all its favorite toys and wiggle them around on the carpet, your cat may decide not to join in.

Your cat may stare at you as if to say, “What the hell are you doing?” It may even glance disapprovingly at the catnip mouse you wasted $5 even though it loved the last one.

4) A cat will want to play when you don’t

Don’t fret, your cat will always be raring to play at 3 am on most days. You won’t need to set an alarm – it will wake you up when it’s ready.

Your cat will leap on to your chest (or full bladder) with that $5 catnip mouse – and occasionally a live or half-dead one. There’ll be a cheerful little chirrup which basically means it’s playtime.

Reasons to never own a cat

Funnily enough, you may feel guilty if you ignore this rude awakening. But mark my words, by the time you’ve woken up ready to amuse your cat, the moment will have passed and your cat will likely have crashed out at your feet, snoring/purring.

Sometimes this sound is therapeutic enough to help you back to sleep – but not very often. At least you can lay there and think of things to do the next day, or wonder how you are going to get through the day at work – or something.

5) Cats are entitled to be fickle with their food

Never assume that because your cat wolfed down the new brand of food you bought a couple of days ago which prompted you to buy 16 boxes more in the sale, that they will continue to enjoy it.

In fact, just the opposite is true. Your cat will know that you have just stocked up on that food and will, therefore, totally deliberately, choose to no longer like it.

Reasons to never own a cat

If cats could talk, they would tell us to get in every type of food available that they might like. You can then rotate this food in a random manner, to make it as exciting as possible.

Every third day you could combine two different types but be on standby, just in case they would rather have something else. Keep plenty of cat food dishes handy so you can offer 10 varieties at once.

6) Cats will attack your toes while you sleep

All cat owners know it’s best to wear sturdy boots in bed, especially if you have a kitten, but quite often with older cats too. It’s the only way to save your feet from a cat onslaught in the small hours.

Cats wait until you fall into a deep sleep, as this is when your feet twitch involuntarily. They then pretend to not know the movement is your feet and convince themselves they are saving you from varmin that has dared to infiltrate your bedding.

Reasons to never own a cat

If you’re not wearing protection on your tootsies you may utter words to the effect of, “Gosh, that hurt,” as you peel yourself from the ceiling.

In your dream that ended seconds earlier, you were the subject of a shark attack. There will be no sign of a cat anywhere and you will never quite know what happened.

7) Cats wake you when you are desperate for sleep

Your cat hears when you talk about an important meeting the next day or the early flight you are taking. They won’t act like it, but they know. Then, they wait.

That evening, when you go to bed early so you are prepared for an early start, your cat will strike. Half an hour after you fall asleep you feel a weight bearing down on your chest.

You are not having a heart attack, at least you hope not. You don’t think so and dare to open one eye. There, about an inch from your nose are two almond-shaped green eyes, pupils dilated due to the lack of light.

At this point, you might think, “Who is drilling at this time of night.” And then you realize it’s your cat purring. It will chirrup happily as it knows it has your attention and then start to trample round in a circle to create a comfortable nest out of the duvet directly over your chest.

Your cat will immediately fall into a deep slumber. You, on the other hand, unable to breathe properly or move, will lay frozen to that spot wide awak until morning.

The bonus is, you won’t miss your flight or be late to that meeting cos you’ll be awake before the alarm goes off. Thank you kitty!

8) Cats will pretend the cat flap is nonexistent

Cat flaps are a great idea if you’re OK with your cat coming and going as it pleases. Your cat has its independence and you don’t have to keep getting up to let it in or out. Right?

Of course, that’s what it says on the tin. Unfortunately, cats can’t read. Yes, a cat flap is handy, at times. But the snag is – and it’s a big snag – it is in one location and gets BORING!

If your cat happens to be on the other side of the house, surely it isn’t expected to walk around to the other side of the house where the flap is? As any cat owner knows, flaps really need to be installed everywhere a cat might like to enter or exit.

This isn’t practical, so you will still find yourself getting up and down like a yo-yo to let your cat in an out of every door and window it appears at – even when the cat flap is 12 inches to the left! (See below)

Reasons to never own a cat
Look to your left Harry. There is your door!

If the flap isn’t directly in front of a cat, it’s like it forgets it has one. Your cat won’t mind waiting either. It will wait until you see it.

Then, it will make one of those silent meows. The ‘pity me’ meow, I call it. This meow means you will give in and open the door. Your cat knows this all too well. You will never learn.

9) Cats will pretend to see things

Imagine the scene. You’re curled up on the couch at home alone with your cat curled up next to you. You’re watching a film and feeling quite content.

Then, just when it’s really quiet and usually during a scary bit of the film, your cat will suddenly wake-up, become extremely alert, and stare intently toward the door.

It sees something, senses something. And that thing is definitely in the house and coming to get you both. At least, that’s what you will believe.

Reasons to never own a cat

Occasionally, just to make it look even more believable, your cat will get up and, with its ears pinned back, creep towards the door to look for the ghastly thing that has entered your home with almost certain deadly intent.

You may actually start to panic and grab the nearest thing to hand – probably the TV remote or a cushion – and head out bravely, ready to run away as fast as you can, err I mean ready to confront the intruder, wherever they are.

But, of course, you find nothing. You try and relax and continue with the film but can’t help but wonder if someone is in the house with you.

Meanwhile, your cat is chilling out, with a slight smirk on its face – gotcha again!

10) Your cat will bring you half-chewed gifts

It’s not all one-way traffic. Your cat will appreciate you feeding it, playing with it, and spending way too much on toys it never plays with. Occasionally, it will even treat you.

A cat believes what you will really love is what it loves. So it will try to give you one of its prized catches. Now, obviously it can’t give you the best (intact) variety of prey that it’s managed to catch, as that is special – but it can give you one that’s had a little nibble taken out of it.

Okay, it might be a little bit rough around the edges but it’s the thought that counts, right? Sometimes, if it really loves you it will drop your gift on your pillow so you can gaze at it instead of sleeping.

11) Cats will not do what they should

You should never assume that your cat will do anything that you are expecting it to. That’s boring and just not the cat way.

If you get a cat something really comfy to sleep in, it will choose to sleep on a hard, cluttered table. If you get it a nice water bowl, it will drink from the tap.

Reasons to never own a cat

If your cat has some party tricks and you want them to show off their skills when you have friends round, don’t expect them to actually perform to order. Cats will do everything they can to make you look as stupid as possible, on any occasion.

The only thing you can predict about the behavior of your cat is that you will not be able to predict what it will do next.

You could follow our advice on how to get along better with your cat. It may help!

12) Cats will ignore expensive toys

We all like to spoil our cats. We go to the pet shop or browse through Amazon to check out the latest toys. They deserve a treat, you convince yourself.

You find something that has about a billion excellent reviews, most of which are 5-star and you buy it. It arrives, and you excitedly unpack it. Your cat ignores the gif and plays in the box.

13) Cats will sulk as you pack for a holiday

You’ve been looking forward to your vacation all year. You have arranged for someone to stay to look after your precious kittie whilst you’re away. You’re feeling excited.

You start packing and the first thing your cat does is get into the suitcase. It then watches on sadly as you complete your packing.

Reasons to never own a cat

You start to feel guilty about leaving it and start to worry whether they will be okay whilst you’re away.

The next morning you leave for your vacation and your cat is nowhere to be found. You really want to say goodbye but can’t find it. You leave for your holiday, sad and worried.

14) They might go missing for days

Reasons to never own a cat

This tends to happen to most owners of outdoor cats at some point. Everything is normal until one day, your cat doesn’t come home as usual. You search around the house frantically in case it is hiding but can’t find it anywhere.

You start looking outside, knocking on your neighbor’s doors asking if they’ve seen your cat and whether they will check in their garages and outbuildings.

You put up notices asking people to call you if they see your cat. You post on social media and start to become desperate and despondent.

A few days may pass and you start to give up hope. It is often at this point that your cat will trot in as if nothing has happened, not hungry and not thirsty.

Often, where it has been will remain a mystery. You will never know where it was or whether it will do it again.

15) A cat will adopt a stranger as its new friend

Some cats are more sociable and outgoing than other cats. Some cats will sit on your lap and others just won’t.

It’s painful when someone your cat doesn’t know comes into your home, sits down and your cat immediately jumps onto their lap! I mean, really! Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. Do cats do this deliberately just to upset you?

16) A cat will eventually leave you broken-hearted

Eventually, your feline friend will cross the rainbow bridge and you will miss them more than you can ever imagine. We get so attached to our cats and their unique little ways and its painful when they leave us.

Be prepared to be utterly smitten and one day broken-hearted if you own a cat.

We will miss Charlie and Harry forever, every single day xx

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